Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
