Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
