I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
