not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
