Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
