When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
