I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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