We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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