It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
