This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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