I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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