i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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