Will you blow on my dice?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
