when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
