So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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