I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Please don't give away my fajitas
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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