Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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