I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
