I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
