New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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