im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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