Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
