The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I love you.
Bad choice
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
