This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
