I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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