The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You have to summon your inner elephant
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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