He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
