im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
