shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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