FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you had me at cake vodka
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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