My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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