Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
