It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
