So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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