On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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