She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
