he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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