i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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