i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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