i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
