Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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