So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
