Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
