When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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