So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
whose ass print is on the piano?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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