Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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