I just saw a hot homeless man
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
