i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
