My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
