The maid of honor just puked.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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