FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
