yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
