It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
