I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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