got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
